I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
