you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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