i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
