My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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