I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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