Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
