So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
