Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
