HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
