So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
