Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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