it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Randomize
