So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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