he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
