I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
