I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
