As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
