Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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