I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
