while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'm passing your future prison.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
