I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
