Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
