haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
