i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
