booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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