dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
