I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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