dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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