dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
