Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
soo... how was my night?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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