i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
