i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
