You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
