Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
