hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
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