You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
