So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
