Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
