After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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