I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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