this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
