just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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