Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
