4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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