I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So much Jack, so little girl.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
