I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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