when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How's work?
Spinning.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
