Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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