You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
