Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
